As years go by relationships tend to move and take all kinds of turns and twists. Technology changes, social norms change, needs change but perhaps the change were not ready to fully embrace is that of the younger, ladies dating and purposefully approaching and looking for the older gentlemen.

Today, it is not uncommon for a lady in her 20s-college age, to be dating a man in his 60s. One can argue that there is nothing wrong if these are two single individuals who find compatibility and love in one another. But I guess the challenge we are having is when the lady is single and the man is married with a current family of his own. Allegedly, the younger ladies are preferring that the men be married and have a
family. The narrative unfortunately in many circles is the complaint that the younger women as `stealing` the older men from their families. An interesting view that is. However, can we tolerate that fact that these older men are too looking for the younger ladies? The expectations we have of men and women
regarding relationships plays a big role here. The hard truth is that it is more socially accepted for a man to walk out on his marriage but the same is frowned upon when the reverse is true. It takes two to tango-so both are in on the quagmire we are seeing in our country today. Perhaps there is a social deficit
that is not being addressed, the younger woman is looking `to be kept` and is not necessarily interested in a committed relationship and the older gentleman is looking to maintain youth by way of dismissing his reality that age is catching up with him.

It becomes a quick fix for both-the lady gets a gentleman who can sustain her financially i.e pay for University fees, pay her apartment, a car, utility bills and buy her the finer things in life-he on the other hand gets to have the youthful fun he perhaps thinks will keep the age at bay, he gets a new conversation and way of being that attracts him enough but not enough to necessarily break off his marital status. Besides the stature of being married is held with higher regard than that of the single status right? So they become
perfect for each other in a very less than perfect way. The conversation from the ladies perspective to her friends is one of excitement and show and tell to her friends. She becomes one to be admired among her peers as she seems to have hit the jackpot.

The conversation from the man`s perspective is one that’s fueled with secrecy only to be shared with his male counterparts who perhaps are in the same dynamic. So before we blame the young ladies for this issue, I beckon we take a few steps back and admit that as individuals perhaps we have lost the
importance of our own values and moral compass so much so that infidelity these days is becoming more and more acceptable. The essence of meaningful relationships has since been diluted. The narratives used in jest such as `chips funga, side kick or concubine perhaps suggests that there is a lot more to work
on regarding self value and preservation. When the definition of being a man has often been coupled with showing how many women one can have while still married-I say we are veered off track a while back. But we speak out of both sides of our mouths for the very men would be livid if such a union was formed
with their younger sisters or daughters for that matter. Not considering that they very men are doing the same to someone`s sister or daughter. So instead of casting blame on one gender, perhaps a systemic view should be considered.

Dr.Michelle, DMFT, Psychotherapist